I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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