the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
