Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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