Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
