Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
