got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
