how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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