you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
