Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize