i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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