He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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