Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
