I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize