omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
