I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
