I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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