I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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