I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
