im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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