Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
