Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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