its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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