She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What drink are we having for lunch?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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