He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
