I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
