White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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