Don't make out with my wife yet
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
