i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
