I love black thongs
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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