In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
