A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
