Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
