I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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