the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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