she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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