you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
