You're completely useless in the revolution.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
