I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if only i could text you this smell
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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