im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
