in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
