I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
