i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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