you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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