Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
