Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Randomize
