We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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