you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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