I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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