he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
