i think my tv is drunk
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
