Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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