She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
