I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
