I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
