Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Can Purell be used as lube?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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