Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
