If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
