Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
