Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
