I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
