Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
