sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
