It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I need moral support for this bender
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
