couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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