The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
