After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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