I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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