"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
