my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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