dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
