she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
