reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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