i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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