i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
