Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
