we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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