from now on my penis is your penis
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
