you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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