okay pat passed out under dana's car
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize