Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
