You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
