Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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