"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
