and you said cock pushups were impossible
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
