Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
