okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
