one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
