after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
