Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
