She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
