Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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