My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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