Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
