I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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